The MTV series kicked off Tuesday night, bringing viewers into the sun-kissed world of Mykonos, Greece, where the actress runs the show's titular hot spot. Much of the action this season will revolve around the lives of her American "Ambassadors," who were shipped overseas to work as VIP hosts, bartenders and servers at the club.
Think of this as "Vanderpump Rules," with Lohan stepping into the no-nonsense role of Lisa Vanderpump. By her side is creative partner Panos Spentzos, who she calls the more "cutthroat" of the two.
The new staff includes a bisexual male bartender, a DC waitress in her "ho phase," a Vegas VIP host who's known for bedding his co-workers and a bottle waitress Lohan thought "wants to be one of the Jenners." Their goal: to sell, sell, sell, whether it's booze, cabanas, or in one guy's case, themselves. More on that later.
Before getting to work, however, they settled into their new Grecian digs, where they didn't make the best first impression on their new boss. When Lohan and Panos showed up for a surprise visit, most of them were tanked, in the pool and half-naked.
"I want to build an empire here, this is not 'Girls Gone Wild,'" she lamented in a confessional. "The kids from America I brought in are like party, party, party and I'm like no, no no, you're working."
While talking to the staff, if became clear Lohan had a problem with one girl in particular, Gabi. The chatty DC native was a little rough around the edges and spoke to Lindsay in nothing but a wet bra.
"Growing up in the spotlight has made me a quick judge of character and I don't know that Gabi is here for the right reasons at this point," she said in a confessional, before asking the waitress what her "intentions" were.
When Gabi said she was there for "selfish" reasons, that didn't gel too well with Lindsay either. "I don't have time for people making their own intentions working for me and branding what my future is," she snapped at her. "I think you want your own show, so you should focus on that. I'm pretty sure you do."
When Gabi then said she was only there to "represent you, 100 percent," Linds got sassy, telling her, "Well, don't wear a bra when you meet me for the first time." With that, she walked out of the gathering.
"When you meet your boss, don't show up in a bra," she complained further in a confessional. "It's not appropriate. It's like me going to meet Steven Spielberg in a bra with wet hair and wet bikini shorts."
Well, not exactly, since Gabi had no idea Lohan would show up at the house unannounced, but whatever.
"If I knew I was going to meet Lindsay, of course I would have put on clothes," Gabi said later.
Speaking with Panos one-on-one, Lohan once again told her club's origin story. If you haven't heard it already, Lohan had been to Mykonos with an allegedly abusive ex, who hit her on that very same beach. She said she'd own it one day and turn it into a place where everyone can "feel safe."
"I made it something that is meaningful to me," she said, tearing up. "When I went the first night with my mom, nothing was finished yet, it was just the sign and she started crying and she was in awe. Shit. She was just really happy for me and I don't want these kids f--king it up for my family and my future."
On everyone's first day, Lohan showed off a more nurturing side after newcomer May had communication issues with some of her co-workers. "If anybody disrespects you or treats you in any way, you come to me right away and I'll f--k a motherf--ker up," she told her, before later asking Gabi to check in on the girl to make sure everything was okay.
Linds was basically MIA for the rest of the episode, as the show checked in on the rest of the staff. Vegas boy Brent earned points for taking care of a VIP guest -- a woman who really put the pretty boy to work by taking him shopping, making him go swimming with her and, yes, asking him to kiss her. She ended up spending the most money of the day, though Panos warned, "You don't have to f--k the client."
Before the credits rolled, Lohan popped up one more time to tell viewers that "this is not a summer vacation," adding, "Get ready, boss bitch."
We're so ready. Are you?
"Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club" airs Tuesdays on MTV.