"You got the questions, right?" Sessa asked John (there are too many Johns on this show) before Lisa verified he "sent the one about, 'Did you give the story to Radar Online?' and 'Do you know anyone that gave the story to Radar Online?'"
John the polygraph examiner said his machine and his skills were "almost 100 percent accurate" in detecting untruths, adding, "I'm neutral, but I've been testing for over 30 years. If she's lying, I'm gonna catch it in a second. If she's telling the truth, she's going to pass."
LVP said she was a bit nervous but ready to be vindicated.
In some lie-detector tests, the person being questioned gets asked a series of "easy" questions to give the examiner an idea of how their bodies react (microscopic changes in sweat and blood) when they respond to obvious truths and obvious lies. Some of the questions Sessa sent were downright brutal.
And then John asked, "Do you think Dorit's face has changed in the last year as much as her accent?"
Sessa busted out laughing. "I had to throw that one in!" he said to Lisa, who was laughing, too. "Answer it!"
"She's had a head transplant," Lisa said before a shot of her in a confessional took over the screen. "Just don't ask me if Erika's tucking it under, or something like that, because there are some things I can't lie about!"
Pick your mouth up off the floor; the questioning isn't over.
Erika Jayne was absent because of her Pretty Mess tour, Denise Richards couldn't go because of a work obligation, and last episode, LVP told Camille she had to bow out of attending to avoid awkward run-ins with "The Real Bitches of Beverly Hills."
During dinner, Kyle decided to tell the ladies what she had heard through the Beverly Hills grapevine. (It truly doesn't get more Beverly Hills than this.)
"My daughter Alexia's very close friend was burglarized, and her house was under construction when the burglary happened," Kyle explained. "So they took the construction workers to have a lie-detector test. Guess who was there taking a lie-detector test? Lisa. Lisa Vanderpump was there taking a lie-detector test."
Dorit's eyes just about came out of their sockets. "What?! I'm confused. Why?" she asked.
"She's obviously taking a lie-detector test to say she's innocent from whatever," Kyle replied. "She acts like she's being accused of murder, for God's sake!"
Teddi called the ordeal abnormal, while Mauricio added, "That is craaazy."
Rinna wanted to know who administered the questions. "Do you say, 'Here, ask me these questions?'" she said with a laugh.
Teddi also pointed out that those tests are not always accurate.
"They're not admissible in court," Mauricio noted.
"And you can train yourself to pass them!" Teddi added.
Rinna said she felt LVP's reason for putting herself through such a bizarre ordeal was to make sure the world would continue to perceive her as "perfect."
Back in Malibu, Denise was packing up her things to go shoot a Christmas movie on location alongside her ex-boyfriend, Patrick Muldoon. Denise has known Patrick since they did the 1997 mystery/thriller, "Starship Troopers," together. They dated on and off for years. Now, she considers him a "best friend."
"My ex-husband's aged me terribly I think," Denise said to Patrick while they ate lunch together outside. During a later confessional, she spilled on one of her many examples.
"Charlie came over for Thanksgiving for dinner a few years ago, and he had a hooker in the car in the driveway," she told the camera. "He was afraid to tell me. 'Uh, you know, well, she's in the driveway. Is it okay if she's in the driveway?' I said, 'Ugh. I'll set a f--king plate.' Even a hooker deserves to have Thanksgiving dinner!"
Poor Camille. Her wedding episode got overshadowed by her co-stars' more-headline-worthy behavior. But we must say, she looked stunning! There was even a rainbow over the outdoor, beach-front ceremony. Does it get any more perfect than that?
On why she decided to legally go with the name Camille Grammer-Meyer (her famous ex-husband is Kelsey Grammer), Camille explained, "It's just easier to keep Grammer because everybody knows me as Grammer."
"And...maybe I'm lazy?" she added with a laugh. "There's a lot of paperwork!"
"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.