Moore says her story "doesn’t belong to the tabloids or my mom or the men I've married or the people who've loved or hated my movies or even my children," but is hers alone.
Demi Moore opened up like never before about her life as a whole -- from her traumatic childhood to adult heartbreak -- in her new memoir, "Inside Out," as she ponders the answer to the question, "How did I get here?"
The actress was faced with the question after her marriage to Ashton Kutcher fell apart and she suffered an adverse reaction to whip-its during a party with her own daughter, Rumer Willis. The answer is one which can be traced back to her youth, and she detailed how her childhood had a ripple effect on everything in her life to come after.
The beginning of the book details Moore's childhood in Roswell, New Mexico with her mother, Virginia, brother Morgan and the man she called her father, Dan. Her biological father was a man named Charles Harmon, Sr., which she didn't learn until much later in life.
One of Moore's earliest memories was saving her mother's life as a kid, "using my fingers, the small fingers of a child, to dig the pills my mother had tried to swallow out of her mouth while my father held it open and told me what to do." While dealing with her own kidney issues, a young Moore also grew up with a father who often cheated on her mother, a lot of moving around, drug abuse by her parents and her mom's "faux suicide attempts."
When she was 15 and living with her then-single mother, a much older man began hanging around. He began driving Moore around a lot and, one day, invited himself into her home when she was alone. She was raped, though, "for decades, I didn't even think of it as rape. I thought of it as something I caused, something I felt obligated to do because this man expected it from me." She said the man asked her, "How does it feel to be whored by your mother for five hundred dollars?", though she never knew for sure whether her mother ever made any such transaction.
She moved out for good when she was 16 and moved to Los Angeles, first shacking up with a 28-year-old musician, before meeting first husband Freddy Moore, who was married and 29 when they first hooked up. She lied about her age and posed nude for Japanese magazines, before getting real modeling jobs. One of her first gigs: The body shown on the poster for "I Spit on Your Grave."
Dan, her dad, committed suicide right before her 18th birthday, while her relationship with her mom would continue to be rocky into adulthood. After she became famous, her mother would sell tabloid stories about her, as well as personal photos. She also sold nude photos of herself mimicking some of Moore's poses and they became estranged for a solid eight years. They reconciled as her mother was dying of lung cancer and a brain tumor, with Moore staying with her mother for the last three-and-a-half months of her life.
The marriage to Freddy Moore was never going to work in the long run, with Demi admitting she cheated on him the night before they said "I do."
"The night before we got married, instead of working on my vows, I was calling a guy I'd met on a movie set," she wrote. "I couldn't get out of the marriage, but I could sabotage it." She also hooked up with her roommate while filming "Blame It on Rio" in Brazil -- where her love of cocaine began -- and came clean to Freddy when she returned home. They then divorced.
While working on "No Small Affair," she also began dating costar Jon Cryer. "Jon fell for me in real life, too, and lost his virginity to me while we were making that movie," she wrote. "It pains me to think of how callous I was with his feelings -- that I stole what could have been such an important and beautiful moment from him," she continued, saying she was not in a good place for a relationship at the time.
Her costar hookups continued on "St. Elmo's Fire," saying she had "one ill-advised late night" with Rob Lowe, before she began dating Emilio Estevez. Despite getting engaged, that relationship fizzled too, as she admitted she never felt good enough for him or his family -- and, during a break, he slept with an ex, "lied about it," and then came clean when he found out she was pregnant. The engagement was called off, but the two remained friends -- with Moore meeting Bruce Willis at the premiere of one of Emilio's films.
While Moore said her first impression of Willis was "he's kind of a jerk," she started seeing him as a "real gentleman" and "vulnerable" as he continued to pay attention to her the night they met. They began dating -- with Moore noting "he made me feel like a princess" -- before they tied the knot at the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas on November 21, 1987. "I got pregnant on my wedding night," she said, going on to explain how they had a second, "real" wedding on the WB lot a month later.
After Rumer's birth, Moore said Willis wasn't thrilled when she started going back to work as an actress. "What he meant was that our life wouldn't work if I was engrossed in something outside of our family," she said. Before he went to work on "Hudson Hawk," he told her, "I don't know if I want to be married," with Moore saying she "had the feeling shortly after that he had screwed around" while filming the movie. However, she got pregnant again and he was "over the moon."
Following the births of both Scout and Tallulah -- a name Bruce hated at first, apparently -- it became apparent they were "more passionate about having kids than we were about being married. They jointly decided to separate while she was caring for her ailing mother, confirming the news themselves before the tabloids could break it. "I'm very proud of our divorce," she says now, praising how they were able to coparent following their split.
After five years being a full time mom in Hailey, Idaho, Demi dipped her toe back into the spotlight with "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle." It was while she was in New York for press on the film that she met Ashton on a night out with friends. They clicked immediately. "I didn't feel insecure around him. It was the way I'd always wished it could be: love that felt pure and simple and profound," she wrote, saying they "couldn't feel" the 15-year age gap between them.
She trusted him like nobody before, confiding in him for the first time the details of her rape as a teenager. Her kids also loved him, as did Bruce, with whom Kutcher "got along really well." Her agents, however, weren't fans -- and told her "that my relationship was hurting me" because "people weren't taking me seriously."
When she became pregnant, Kutcher "was thrilled" and proposed shortly after. She said yes. "When I found myself engaged to my soul mate and expecting his child at forty-two, I felt, for the first time, like the luckiest girl in the world," she said, adding that their child would have been a girl they were to name Chaplin Ray. Moore miscarried six months into the pregnancy, saying she was "decimated" by the news. Despite the miscarriage, the two still got married.
After their relationship went through some rough patches when she began drinking and taking Vicodin, she felt Kutcher become "less and less present." To become who she thought he wanted -- something she put on herself, she noted -- she agreed to threesomes. "When he expressed his fantasy of bringing a third person into our bed, I didn't say no. I wanted to show him how great and fun I could be," she explained, saying they opened their relationship to two different people and called it "a mistake."
According to Moore, Kutcher first cheated on her with a 21-year-old who gave him her number while the couple and Rumer were all out bowling together. Moore told him she already thought it was "gross" when he said he got her number, so it "felt like a real 'f--k you'" when she learned they slept together. "Because we had brought a third party into our relationship, Ashton said, that blurred the lines and, to some extent, justified what he'd done,'" she added.
After they found an egg donor when IVF wasn't working, Kutcher eventually said he didn't think he could go through with it and that was the beginning of the end. They agreed to separate, but wouldn't announce anything until later. Unfortunately, Kutcher's next scandal would force that announcement to come sooner than expected.
A day after their anniversary, Moore got a Google Alert saying "Ashton Kutcher caught cheating," along with a story from a young blonde he hooked up with while celebrating Danny Masterson's bachelor party. "I felt sick to my stomach," she recalled, "Are you f--king kidding me?' is what came out of my mouth when he picked up the phone."
She said he admitted it "right away" and they announced their separation shortly after.
From the start of her career through adulthood, Moore struggled with substance and alcohol abuse. "At my peak I was going through an eighth of an ounce [of cocaine] every two days by myself," she recalled.
The director of "St. Elmo's Fire," Joel Schumacher, demanded she go to rehab for 15 days before filming -- and had a counselor with her 24/7 during production. Looking back, she said that movie changed her life, explaining, "If I hadn't gone to rehab to make that film, I really wonder if I'd still be alive."
Though she had been sober, she began drinking beer while she was with Ashton, thinking she had it "under control." Her drinking got worse as the IVF woes continued and her confidence dwindled. "When I went too far, though, [Ashton] let me know how he felt by showing a picture he'd taken of me resting my head on the toilet the night before," she wrote. "It seemed like a good-natured joke at the time. But it was really just shaming."
After her split from Kutcher, she partied more, leading to one night in January 2012 she had an adverse reaction to whip-its and was hospitalized. "Would I even consider doing drugs with my kid there if I were in my right mind? Of course not," she wrote. "I scared Rumer so badly when she saw me there, semiconscious on the floor; she thought I might die in front of her."
Following that incident, Rumer and her two daughters wouldn't speak to her unless she got help. Even then, she said, "they still didn't show up for me" while she was in treatment or when she got out. According to Moore, "it would be three years before we were able to find our way back to one another."
During that time is when the real soul-searching began, as she went through therapy to break down everything in her life that brought her to this point. "This doesn't mean that now I'm Saint Demi and I have no pain," she said, "It just means I can finally admit that I have weaknesses and needs and that it's okay to ask for help."
In the end, she said she wrote the book to share the "story of how I learned to surrender," adding that her story is "mine alone."
Things are clearly good with her daughters and Bruce, who were all on hand for her book launch on Monday night. As for Ashton, she said she is "grateful" for him in the book and added that they "continue to collaborate" on their foundation, Thorn.