It's, like, so, like, maddening to, like, hear, like, the way she, like, dismisses everyone and then, like, blows everything up with, like, drama and, like, lies!
Every season of "The Bachelor" likes a good villain, and Matt James has quickly found his. She's a fascinating case study, someone who seems to revel in their villainy in a calculated and very aloof way.
She wound up at the center of almost everything this week, when she decided to use her time with Matt to sabotage another contestant. And she's almost gone out of her way to make sure that all of the other ladies hate her with almost every comment she makes.
She's dismissive, arrogant, curt and incredibly rude to almost everyone in the house. And she isn't even presenting herself very well to Matt, offering faux depth and saying a whole lot of words without really saying anything at all.
She got "vulnerable" with him by sharing that she worried about looking fat while trying on wedding dresses. This is her being real? Honestly, we don't think we've seen a real moment out of her yet.
It's all so cartoon villain at this point. Victoria has got to be a producer's dream, but is that why she came here? Is it all a game to her? If not and this is the real her, is she living in the same reality as everyone else? It's so very hard to tell.
She's been great for a pithy line in confessionals, but she's also been ballsy enough to say even worse things directly to people's faces with a deadpan expression in her face. She hardly listens to anyone, appears to alter reality to suit her and seems to really see herself as the center of the universe.
Is this someone playing at classic narcissism, complete with abusive gaslighting and victim-blaming, or is this just who she is? One of the other women actually went so far as to say that Matt keeping Victoria around has her rethinking her interest in him.
But if we are talking about classic narcissim, the narcissist is capable of putting on one hell of a good show, which means Matt would be seeing a vastly different side to her than the other girls, or -- apparently -- us at home.
Last week, we weren't sure if Victoria or Katie would emerge as the villain, and this week, Katie quickly settled into being a full person. Victoria actually got worse and came across as less of a real person. Honestly, she acts like she's scripted by a bad soap opera screenwriter.
And it looks like it's not going to get any better. We didn't even make it through this week's rose ceremony, and already her influence (or so the editors would have us believe) was causing a medical emergency that halted the proceedings and left us with a "To Be Continued..."
Before we get to that, though, we have to once again lament that producers felt the need to pack this season with so many women. In the first week, several got absolutely no time with Matt. This week, there were three dates, and yet four women didn't get to go on any.
What is the point of this, other than to create even more tension and drama. Oh wait. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.
It was great news for two lucky ladies, though, as Matt had two one-on-ones and those went to Bri and Sarah. Bri he had connected with on the first night, while it looked like he chose Sarah to try and figure her out.
More specifically, it felt like this was just a chance to enjoy someone he already liked in Bri, while it was a make-or-break moment for Sarah, whether she knew it or not.
Either she took the plunge to get vulnerable or real with him, or he might have walked her out.
To her credit, she did open up to him, leaving Matt honored and humbled that she was even on the show.
Sarah revealed that her father was five years beyond his ALS diagnosis and she was his primary caregiver, meaning she was giving up precious time to find live -- and she told him she'd only done it because it was him.
It's easy to see why he was touched by her sharing and gave her the rose. Bri, too, earned her rose by continuing to build that bond and connection with Matt, opening up even more about her family.
Chris Harrison pulled a fast one on everyone with this date, turning a sweet wedding photo session into a no-holds-barred brawl for Matt's heart ... literally. With 18 women on the date (yes, 18!), something needed to be done for it to make sense, so why not have fun watching them smack each other with purses and throw cake on one another.
It got pretty aggressive, and thank goodness the ground was soft or there'd have been more bruises than Matt left on Bri's body after he tossed her from a moving ATV (accidentally). In the end, though, half the girls went home in defeat, leaving him with a much more manageable evening portion.
It was here that Victoria was, like, vulnerable, like, about, like, how, like, real, like, she, like, is ... without saying anything real or deep at all. So either Matt is falling for whatever she's doing, or the producers are telling him, you like that. Go tell her, "I like that."
We did get some genuine moments, with Lauren finally getting to have her first conversation ever with him, bonding over their shared faith and how challenging it is to have that as a focus in the modern dating world.
Jessenia got vulnerable about opening up her heart and dealing with a lot of infidelity, leaving her struggling with trust issues. See, those are examples of sharing your real truth with someone.
Thanks to her team losing the epic battle of the brides, Abigail (who got the First Impression Rose last week) didn't get any more time with Matt. But it was absolutely adorable at the cocktail party when she concocted a secret signal they could share even in group settings.
Unfortunately, he also talked about how easily he got along with her and how much she cracked him up and it really started to sound like she was maybe too cool and he was inadvertently friend-zoning her. We'll see.
Marylynn clearly made an impression on Matt, because he actually remembered her favorite flower and thought to bring her a vase of orchids to the cocktail party. It was a sweet moment that really touched her heart ... just before Victoria stomped all over it.
It was such a subtle little moment, but we found it very telling about Matt's character and how much respect that he has for Sarah that after she'd opened up about her father, he asked what he could do on this journey to prove to her that he's worthy of her.
We definitely don't know the full story as to what was going on with Sarah yet, but based on her own confessionals, Victoria's continued presence in the house is weighing heavily on her. It certainly seems like Victoria just made up a bunch of stuff about her roommate Marylynn.
We don't see anything, but producers are making it look like Victoria is fabricating or elevating any tension between them into a Category 10 hurricane, going so far as to dramatically sleep on the couch. Maybe Marylynn is the worst, but we haven't seen it, and the other girls haven't seen it.
They have seen that Victoria is the worst. She has been nasty to almost every single one of them. And for Sarah, who already had a rose from her one-on-one, Matt allowing Victoria to stay in contention over anyone else says a whole lot (to her) about his character.
If that's the kind of woman he's looking for, what does that say about him? We think it sayso one of two things. It says that he doesn't know how she's treating everyone else -- OR -- it says that producers definitely want to keep her around longer, so he's stuck with her for now.
So we don't know for certain that thoughts of Victoria are why Sarah started to either have a panic attack or simply began to faint during the rose ceremony, but she halted the whole event, as she was escorted to the side, Matt ran over and medical was called.
Sarah has a lot going on in her life and a lot of stressors already on her, not to mention all of the additional stress the show piles on top of it. So it may not be Victoria related. But we kind of hope it is and we kind of hope it all comes out in a big reckoning for Victoria.
What can we say, the editors and producers have done a great job of creating this cartoon villain, so now we want to see her get her just desserts. She's certainly been dishing out a lot, so we're looking forward to when she has to turn around and eat her humble pie.
For now, the ugliness only looks to escalate, if next week's teaser is any indication.
"I wore my worst outfit." --Bri (caught by surprise with first one-on-one date of season)
"She's not very good at it." Victoria (watching Bri ride off on an ATV)
"I think we should all take Chris' advice and be mindful of our time with Matt." --Jessenia
"I'm not jealous. I'm like -- I want that. I'm, like, so sick of you guys. I want to hang out with Matt." --Victoria (offering definition of jealousy)
"I think the girls that are happy for Bri are all fake as s---." --Victoria
"I trusted you!" --Bri (after Matt crashes them both)
"I think I was trying hard not to count Matt's abs, but he probably has anywhere from 8 to 16." --Bri
"Honestly, I was just trying to get closer to you. No, I'm just kidding. There's no way to justify tossing you off an ATV." --Matt
"I got some mud in my mouth." --Matt (breaking away from kiss with Bri)
"I thought the Queen Victoria thing was an act at first, but I think that's actually her, which is even scarier." --Anna
"There's just a lot that she does that's off-putting. I have sympathy for her because you don't want somebody to be getting ganged up on one hand, but on the other, like, stop -- sorry -- being an idiot." --Alana
"I think my team is a bunch of queens and the other team is a bunch of gestures [sic]." --Victoria (during group date)
"This looks like... like the first plane ever invented." --Sarah (on her one-on-one-date)
"That's way more than any first date I've been on. I'm jealous as hell." --Rachael
"I can't think of a more selfless act." --Matt (about Sarah being her father's caregiver)
"I did not even know that he remembered my name." --Marylynn (after Matt gave her an orchid at the cocktail dinner; her favorite flower)
"Marylynn is toxic." --Victoria (to Matt)
"Marylynn needs to go home tonight because I hate her." --Victoria
"I wouldn't spend my time with Matt talking about somebody else. It's pretty immature." --MJ
"I'm so grateful I have a rose because Victoria ruined the night." --Sarah
"Maybe he's seeing a different side of her, but the longer she's here, the more I'm questioning my relationship with Matt." --Sarah