"Only the Sandman makes people laugh. F--- every other comedian."
Adam Sandler delivered one of the most hilarious and creative acceptance speeches of all time at the 2022 Gotham Awards on Monday night.
During the ceremony, which took place at New York's Cipriani Wall Street, the 56-year-old actor hit the stage to accept the Performer Tribute Award. Sandler -- who was presented with the honor by "Uncut Gems" co-directors, Josh and Benny Safdie -- gave an epic speech, which he said was written by his daughters Sadie and Sunny.
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"I told my daughters Sadie and Sunny, who are 16 and 14, that I didn't write a speech and they said phrases like, 'Rude' and 'You're mean,'" the "Hustle" star began. "I said, 'Daddy's f---ing tired. Daddy f---ing works hard, calm down.' They were like, 'Can we write your speech, Daddy? So you got something to say.' I said, 'Absolutely.'"
Sandler -- who shares his teenagers with wife Jackie -- noted that his daughters requested that he deliver the speech in the "goofy Southern accent you always do all of your dumb speeches in?"
"My daughters wrote this. Let's see how we do," he prefaced, before starting the speech in a hilarious accent. "Dear well-dressed dignitaries, highly educated hipsters and various other plus-ones of the Gotham Awards, thank you for giving our daddy, Mr. Adam Sandler, this prestigious lifetime, all-time, primetime G.O.A.T. achievement tribute award."
He continued, "It means a lot to him seeing that most of the awards on his trophy shelf are shaped like popcorn buckets, blimps, or fake mini-Oscars that say 'Father of the Year,' which he sadly purchased himself while wandering in a self-pitying fog through the head shops of Times Square."
The comedian went on to throw some jabs at his appearance and career, before he explained why his daughters weren't in attendance.
Adam Sandler adapts a Southern accent for his #GothamAwards acceptance speech, addressing "well-dressed dignitaries, highly educated hipsters and various other plus-ones." https://t.co/Zr7PrBepzi pic.twitter.com/Bxi1nX6600— Variety (@Variety) November 29, 2022 @Variety
"But Daddy said and we quote, 'I don't want to spend a whole night that's supposed to be about me and my greatness listening to you two newly-pubitized buffoons screaming, 'Where is Timothée Chalamet? And how we can legally squeeze that fine little Jewish ass of his?' But Gotham Awards don't feel bad for us Sandler girls," the comedy legend said before he shared what he claims his daughters said they were doing at home.
"While daddy is with you tonight, we're doing everything we're not allowed to do when daddy is home, like eat his Yodels or try on his Spanx or, dare we say, laugh out loud at Ben Stiller movies," he quipped, pausing to laugh. "The last time daddy caught us chuckling away at the 'Meet the Parents' trilogy, he immediately stormed into the room he calls 'The Screaming Room,' which we just call 'the shower,' and bellowed out the phrase, 'Only the Sandman makes people laugh. F--- every other comedian.'"
Sandler -- or his "daughters" -- went on to poke fun at his over three-decades-long career.
"Daddy's silly film career began in 1988, formed by two guiding principles: people in prison need movies too and TBS needs content," Sandler said, before mentioning some of his famous films, including, "Happy Gilmore," "Billy Madison," "Big Daddy," "Punch-Drunk Love" and "Uncut Gems." (While mentioning the latter, Sandler pointed and gave a thumbs up to someone backstage, with the gesture seemingly being directed at The Safdie Brothers.)
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"Films that were not only received with orgasmic critical acclaim," he said of the movies, "but also left audiences baffled as they pondered the mystery: How did Bobby Boucher get all up in my feelings and make me laugh, cry and sprint directly to church to ask God why he had blessed a man with more talent than the entire cast of 'The Poseidon Adventure' and 'Mamma Mia' combined?"
Sandler concluded his speech with a message allegedly from his daughters, who said, "We'll leave you with this: Thank you, Mommy, for putting up with Daddy and his crazy f---ing mood swings all these years. Now that truly is a feat deserving of a lifetime achievement award."
Understandably, Sandler's hilarious speech went viral, and even caught the eye of Ben Stiller, who praised the speech and seemingly loved the shoutout.
"So @AdamSandler just gave the funniest acceptance speech ever at the #GothamAwards2022," Stiller tweeted.
Timothée Chalamet, unfortunately, has yet to react. (Fingers crossed.)
Watch Sandler's speech in full in the video above, and check out all of the must-see star sightings from the Gotham Awards in the gallery, below!