Woman Praised For Only Adopting One of Her Two Young Stepchildren Following Death of Their Bio Mom

Sharing the story to an anonymous forum, the 35-year-old woman got an overwhelmingly positive response for what, from the outside, seemed to be a very controversial decision.

While the tale featured a disagreement over adoption, and the untimely death of the children's bio mom, the whole thing ended up feeling rather uplifting.

Read on to see the whole story -- and how the original poster (a.k.a. "OP") responded to questions in the comments.

"I (35F) have been married to my husband Nate (38M) for the last 3 years and I have been helping him to raise my stepchildren; Ana (7F) and Cole (10M)," OP began her lengthy post.

"Ana and Cole's mom died 5 years ago," she explained. "Nate and I met several months after his wife's death and admittedly, our relationship, once it turned romantic, moved fast. Though nothing romantic happened until a couple of months after the first anniversary of his wife's passing. I met his kids early and Ana and I had a very immediate bond. Cole was never as enthusiastic about me being in their lives. He's a good kid but said he didn't want a new mom and wouldn't like me to try to be his mom. So I worked on being something else to him, something he was okay with, and yes we had the help of a therapist."

She went on to describe some of the differences in her relationships with both Cole and Ana.

"So my relationship with Cole and Ana is very different. Ana and I have a mother/daughter bond and she calls me mom. She also knows about her mom and we have her photos up at home. But she tells people I'm her mom and calls Nate and I her parents. She asked a few times about adoption and came out and asked to be adopted at Christmas."

However, that is not the case with her stepson: "With Cole there is no parent/child bond. I will say I do consider him my kid as much as I do Ana and I love him and if he were willing I would call him my son in a heartbeat. But he does not see me that way and does not want to see me that way."

Of course, Ana's desire to be adopted has also proven difficult for the young boy.

"When Cole heard Ana ask me to adopt her he asked 'what about mom' and Ana said she can have two moms, that they both could, but she wants me to be her 'mommy on paper' like her best friends dad became her daddy on paper last year," OP recounted.

The woman then went on to note that they sought professional help with the situation.

"We went to a therapist to talk things through and after some time the therapist said I should adopt Ana if we all want that but told us not to adopt Cole, which I already had said I wouldn't because he was not okay with it. The therapist aimed that more at Nate who was concerned about not doing the adoption for Nate as well. She told him any chance of him feeling like he missed out and rejected would be nowhere near as bad as the rage he would feel if we took the choice away from him and did it against his wishes."

Of course, the decision had repercussions among their extended family, who disagreed with only adopting one child.

"Nate's parents were not happy when Ana announced she was going to be adopted," OP explained. "They asked about Cole and he said he didn't want to be adopted. Nate's parents took us aside and said I can't adopt one and not the other, that if something happened to Nate, what if Cole was placed with his maternal grandparents or his aunt and Ana stayed with me. They'd be separated. They also said Cole didn't deserve to be the odd one out. They said Cole isn't old enough to reject what would be a good thing for him and that we're wrong for allowing him to reject me as his second mom."

"I pointed out three different therapists have all said we should respect Cole's feelings and wishes," OP wrote, wrapping up her post. "They said therapists don't live with us every day and don't know the family the way they do. They said I can't call myself a good mom if I adopt one stepchild and not the other."

As noted before, Redditors were overwhelmingly supportive of OP with many noting how complicated the whole situation was.

"I'm not very knowledgeable on kids, so apologies if anything I say is wrong— but can't you adopt Cole later if he changes his mind," one Redditor noted in a comment that became the highest rated on the post. "He obviously is still grieving his bio mum, and I feel like adopting him would be taking agency away from him. I feel like adopting Ana but not Cole makes sense."

To which OP replied: "It would be an option. Though I do not think he will ever want that. I'm not in favor of adopting kids of his age, or really any age where they know what is happening, against their will. That is not an act of love in my eyes. I don't want to disrespect his wishes and I don't want to hurt the relationship we have been able to build."

While another commenter weighed in, writing: "You did everything right. Allow them to have their relationship with you the way they want. Not taking their late mother away. And not forcing adoption. this sounds to be the best solution for everyone. Also Cole can be adopted, if he wants later on."

"The only point might be the one with 'what if something happens to Nate' - but there might be other solutions," the Redditor noted. "Like him writing a will, with the suggestion that the children stay with you (as long as they don't wish otherwise) and you trying to become a legal guardian for Cole if this thing happens (hope not and wish you all a long and happy live). Also judges and social worker don't usually take children away from the home they know, because of the death of one parent."

"The thing is Cole would want to be with his maternal relatives if something happened to Nate. We both know this. I think Nate's parents also know this which is why they brought that up," OP replied.

Elsewhere, she added on the topic of her spouse's potential early demise: "We know Cole would choose to be with his maternal family over me and I do not see that changing. Nate doesn't really want that especially when it would separate the kids. But Ana would be devastated to be taken from me. It's a very complex situation."

What do you think?