The lowest-scoring Super Bowl of all time and Maroon 5's critically-panned halftime show did not make for an exciting night of television.
The late-night comedians came on Monday night in a unified voice to say that Super Bowl LII was quite the letdown, and this is with many of them in Los Angeles. But as much as they didn't like the game, they had even stronger feelings about Adam Levine's half-time presentation.
Stronger and even more negative.
All in all, their views were totally consistent with most of America, who found the Patriots victory in the lowest-scoring Super Bowl of all time over the Rams an incredibly boring affair. So for all those who complain about high-scoring games, this is the alternative. Is that better?
It was a disappointing outing for the NFL on all fronts, as Halftime Show performers Maroon 5 were trashed just as much as the game, if not more so. And it was more than just the boring performance that got people's attention. There's whatever Adam Levine was wearing ... at least until he took it off.
And the Super Bowl is not a place you want to be parading around your nipples, as people still remember what happened when Janet Jackson accidentally exposed one. In fact, that was Busy Philipps' biggest gripe with the whole game.
Elsewhere in late night, Jimmy Fallon found himself also fixated on Levine's nipples, while Conan O'Brien just trashed the whole show. Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel, James Corden and Seth Meyers just piled on even more how incredibly boring the game was.
For Conan O'Brien, he was surprised to hear himself saying it, but he had to admit, "That was hard to watch and I'm a Patriots fan."
Even though he should have been on the edge of his seat in a game that was tied 3-3 for so long, hoping his team could pull out the victory, he wasn't. "I found that to be-- what is the opposite of a nailbiter? It was a nail-grower," he said.
And then the ultimate insult, per most football fans: "I thought I was watching a baseball game."
Even the halftime show couldn't perk things up. "The stage was designed to look like the letter M," he said of Maroon 5's setup. "The M stood for 'Maybe we should have tried to get Beyonce.'"
He couldn't help but notice Bib Boi's big fur coat, either. "Yeah, it was from an animal that took its own life during Maroon 5," he joked.
"The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon"
Jimmy Fallon thought that halftime show might have secured the victory for the Patriots. "The Rams only scored three points and they were totally shut out in the second half," he said. "They said it was a little hard to concentrate after seeing Adam Levine's nipples."
But he absolutely had to agree that the game just lacked excitement. "Last night was Super Bowl LIII, and 53 is also how many people stayed awake for the whole thing," he said at the top of his monologue.
Actually, his very first joke came after the audience applause. "While you guys were clapping, the Rams punted six more times," he joked. They set a record for most consecutive punts to open a Super Bowl with eight, so he may just be right.
And with all those punts, the only points they could get on the board came from a field goal. "Rams Quarterback Jared Goff just couldn't score," Fallon said. "Americans said if we wanted to see a football player who can't score, we'd watch Colton from 'The Bachelor.'"
"The Late Late Show with Jame Corden"
James Corden wouldn't even let his audience applaud mention of the Super Bowl. "You don't have to clap," he told them. "We all know what happened. We're like, yeah you won, the game was terrible."
He went on to point out that "it was the lowest-scoring Super Bowl in history and the lowest-rated in ten years. It was less of a Super Bowl and more of a Just-Okay Bowl."
And then he decided this was his opportunity to take Americans to task for all those times they criticize his version of football, known as soccer stateside. "I don't want to hear one more word from Americans about how soccer is dull and no one ever scores the rest of my life," he said vehemently.
As for the final score? "Everyone here in LA is devastated," Corden admitted. "At least I think they are. It's hard to tell with the levels of botox in Los Angeles how anyone really feels."
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
Jimmy Kimmel played it off like he hadn't even watched the game, declaring the Rams champions. "Did they win? I got bored and I turned the TV off," he said.
He went on to add, "What a game it wasn't. It was more an Adequate Bowl than anything."
But he wasn't done just criticizing the game, he also had to ask what was going on with Maroon 5's frontman during that performance. "There was a wardrobe malfunction at the halftime show," he pointed out. "The malfunction was someone in the wardrobe department let Adam Levine go on stage dressed like this."
He both looked ridiculous, sounded off and fronted an incredibly dull halftime non-spectacular.
Kimmel wasn't wrong when he joked, "The most dramatic moment of the night came between Harrison Ford and a dog." It was definitely one of the night's strongest commercials.
"Late Night with Seth Meyers"
Seth Meyers pointed out that "airing a commercial during this year's Super Bowl cost companies five-and-a-quarter million dollars for a 30-second spot and there will be a lot of debate about which commercial was best." We still say it's Ford and the dog.
Meyer went on to add, "But the worst one had to be that commercial for football."
In a faux voice, he mocked the NFL tagline by shouting, "Are you ready for some kickin'!"
But really, there wasn't much to really break down about that game or the halftime show. "What can I say about the Super Bowl that hasn't already been written on Adam Levine's torso?" Meyers asked. What indeed?
Well Busy Philipps had plenty to say and it was all about Adam Levine's torso. "You really did it, sir," she said. "You really showed us your tits last night during the halftime show at the Super Bowl."
The problem, as Philipps pointed out, is that Jackson purportedly got blacklisted in the entertainment industry for the infamous "nipplegate" incident where her nipple was exposed briefly during a halftime performance.
"Well, we do our part here at 'Busy Tonight' and we are lodging a formal complaint against not one, but two of your nipples, Mr. Levine," Philipps said pointedly.
"Don't get it twisted," she said, relishing briefly in the wordplay. "I don't hate nipples. I love them. I hate the hypocrisy. That's what's upsetting me. Free every nipple."
Maybe if there were more nipples freed on the field it would have been a more exciting game to watch.
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