The latest Donald Trump White House exposé is shaping up to be just as juicy as the last two, except this one could be the most damaging, since it's written by veteran journalist Bob Woodward -- one half of the reporting team that broke the Watergate scandal, which ultimately forced President Richard Nixon to resign in the 1970s.
Or as Dan Rather, another legendary American journalist, put it in a tweet: "One has the sense that Bob Woodward's new book has lit a fuse that will soon explode into presidential pyrotechnics of a size and scope that will make a Fourth of July spectacular seem like a kid holding a sparkler."
Woodward's paper, The Washington Post, obtained a copy of "Fear: Trump in the White House" ahead of its Sept. 11 release and described it as "a harrowing portrait of the Trump presidency, based on in-depth interviews with administration officials and other principals." CNN also obtained a copy of the book, summing it as "an unprecedented inside-the-room look through the eyes of the President's inner circle."
The advanced excerpts are already providing plenty of dirt, so TooFab sifted through the mud to find the juiciest gems, including numerous insults the president's own staff used to described him, as well as a fiery exchange between former Trump adviser Steve Bannon and Ivanka Trump. Let's start off with Chief of Staff John Kelly's description of the president.
"He's an idiot. It's pointless to try to convince him of anything. He's gone off the rails. We're in Crazytown. I don't even know why any of us are here. This is the worst job I've ever had," Kelly reportedly said in a small meeting with colleagues.
Jeff Session Is 'Retarded'
A scroll through Trump's Twitter feed proves he's not a huge fan of Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who the president personally appointed, and Omarosa wrote in her book that Trump calls him "Benjamin Button" behind his back, but Woodward quotes Trump as calling the former Alabama senator much worse.
"This guy is mentally retarded," the president reportedly said. "He's this dumb Southerner. … He couldn't even be a one-person country lawyer down in Alabama."
Trump's current lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, has said his fair share of questionable things on television while publicly defending the president from a number of unflattering allegations, leading to frequent mockery from late-night comedians. And according to Woodward, even the president roasted Giuliani after the former New York City mayor first appeared on TV as a surrogate for the Trump campaign after the "Access Hollywood" tape leaked during the 2016 election.
"Rudy, you're a baby," Trump reportedly said. "I've never seen a worse defense of me in my life. They took your diaper off right there. You're like a little baby that needed to be changed. When are you going to be a man?"
The 'Biggest F--king Mistake' of Trump's Presidency
Well, at least the president is aware of how bad it sounded when he blamed the protesters rallying to oppose white supremacy for violence that erupted at the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, about a year ago. After a white supremacist rammed his car through a crowd of activists, killing Heather Heyer, Trump held a press conference that didn't go over well at all.
"I think there is blame on both sides," Trump said at the time. "What about the 'alt-left' that came charging at, as you say, the 'alt-right,' do they have any semblance of guilt? What about the fact they came charging with clubs in hands, swinging clubs, do they have any problem? I think they do."
According to Woodward, Trump told aides "That was the biggest f--king mistake I've made" and "worst speech I've ever given."
Is Trump Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
If you were to ask current Secretary of Defense Jim Mattis, the answer is probably no.
Woodward recounted a National Security Council meeting in which Trump asked why the U.S. military had so many resources invested in the Korean Peninsula. "We're doing this in order to prevent World War III," Mattis reportedly told him, but the real fireworks came out of military official's mouth after the meeting.
"Mattis was particularly exasperated and alarmed, telling close associates that the president acted like -- and had the understanding of -- 'a fifth- or sixth-grader,'" Woodward wrote.
Readers shouldn't expect too many pages focusing on Trump's family, but the book does include at least one feisty exchange between Ivanka Trump and Steve Bannon, the former chief White House strategist.
"You're a goddamn staffer," Bannon reportedly screamed at her. "You walk around this place and act like you're in charge, and you're not. You're on staff!"
"I'm not a staffer," Ivanka reportedly shot back. "I'll never be a staffer. I'm the first daughter."
Trump's Own Lawyer Told Mueller He's Not Capable of Telling the Truth
Add Trump's former lawyer John Dowd to the long list of White House insiders who apparently do not have very much confidence in the president.
While trying to decide if Trump should sit down for an interview with Special Counsel Robert Mueller, who's spearheading the Russia investigation, Down reportedly made the president do a practice interview and he did not do well.
According to Woodward, Dowd communicated to Mueller and his team in a meeting this past March that the president is simply incapable of telling the truth. "He just made something up. That's his nature," Dowd is quoting as saying.
"I'm not going to sit there and let him look like an idiot," Dowd allegedly told Mueller. "And you publish that transcript, because everything leaks in Washington, and the guys overseas are going to say, 'I told you he was an idiot. I told you he was a goddamn dumbbell. What are we dealing with this idiot for?'"
"John, I understand," Mueller replied, according to Woodward, but insisted, "I need the president's testimony."
Later that month, Dowd advised Trump against testifying. "Don't testify. It's either that or an orange jumpsuit," he reportedly said.
When Trump insisted on talking Mueller and promised, "I'll be a real good witness," Woodward said Dowd responded, "You are not a good witness. Mr. President, I'm afraid I just can't help you.”
News broke on March 22 that Dowd resigned.
And we imagine that's just a small taste of the political tea spilled in the 448-page book "Fear: Trump in the White House," which the whole world can read starting Sept. 11.