Mommy showed Tristan videos of herself skiing to show how good of an athlete she is -- because everyone knows the best way to break the ice with your sister's cheating boyfriend who has you blocked on Instagram is to talk about how great you are.
Each week, "Nori" will be recapping new episodes of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and giving us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
Sunday's "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" opened with Mommy finding out that Tristan had blocked her on Instagram. She called Auntie Khloe to tell her, but Khloe said she just wanted everyone to get along. Mommy decided she was going to implement a new rule: No following boyfriends unless they're married into the family because it gets awkward when she has to unfollow them. This is similar to my personal rule: No calling anyone "Uncle" until they're married into the family. I started this rule after "Uncle" French Montana. This place is a revolving door of "Uncles."
Next, Scott, Auntie Kendall and Mommy talked about Mommy's high school reunion, and it comes out that Mommy used to be wild when she was younger. Almost bragging, Mommy explained that she was high on ecstasy when she filmed her famous sex tape and when she got married the first time. I wonder how many drugs were involved when she decided to marry Kris Humphries? Auntie Kendall said she doubted Mommy could still get wild, but Mommy insisted she's still the life of the party. After her talk with Scott and Auntie Kendall, Mommy decided to take a quick trip to Vegas to see her Armenian idol, Cher, in concert with all her high school friends to prove that she can still party with the best of them.
Later, Auntie Kourtney, Penelope and one of the Malikas had a meeting with the Environmental Working Group to discuss the need for reform of our nation's cosmetics laws. EWG wanted Auntie Kourtney's help in getting a bill passed to ensure beauty products are safe before they hit the shelves. In a surprising move, she agreed to go to Washington, D.C. to help bring attention to the bill. This was huge given Auntie Kourtney's fears of public speaking and working for a living.
In Vegas, Mommy took shots and lived her best life. She says her favorite thing in the world is to dress up like Cher, so she dressed up in one of Cher's iconic looks for the concert. Mommy tried really hard to convince us she's a die-hard superfan despite the fact that this is the first time Cher's name has ever been mentioned in the 15 seasons this show has been on air. After the show, Mommy had a meet-and-greet with Cher that E! set-up. Mommy was starstruck, but Cher looked like she had better things she could be doing.
Back in Calabasas, Auntie Khloe returned from Cleveland. She introduced baby True to Scott, and of course, True was underwhelmed by him. True later told me Scott smelled like Peach Ciroc vodka. I wasn't surprised. Mommy later learned that Auntie Khloe didn't invite her to "Taco Tuesday" at her house, and Mommy assumed it was because Auntie Khloe was trying to keep her and Tristan apart to keep the peace.
In D.C., Auntie Kourtney spoke to Congress, the Senate and the press about the need for reform of our cosmetics laws. She was late for her meeting, but that's to be expected when you're not used to working. Eventually, Auntie Kourtney got the opportunity to speak about her passion for safe personal products and how she would like to see the government play a role in ensuring the public's safety when it comes to beauty products.
Back in Calabasas, Mommy talked to Scott about her issues with Tristan. Scott was the perfect person to have that discussion with since he's cheated on a Kardashian before. Scott helped Mommy to realize being overprotective and combative with Tristan is only going to drive Auntie Khloe away.
At the end of the episode, Mommy finally saw Tristan and tried to make small talk. She also showed him videos of herself skiing to show how good of an athlete she is -- because everyone knows the best way to break the ice with your sister's cheating boyfriend who has you blocked on Instagram is to talk about how great you are. The whole thing was pathetic and awkward. It's like when Kris tries to make small talk with me. I'd rather be left alone. Let's not pretend we're friends. At the end of the day, the awkward small talk worked, and Tristan unblocked Mommy from Instagram. Mommy then decided to stop hating Tristan since no one else seemed to hate him -- not even the person he cheated on.
Meet me back here next week when I recap Episode 15 of my show.
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