Lala assures Lisa she handled herself "quite nicely" with Raquel and Billie -- until Scheana shows up and spills the beans.
It's astonishing how every episode of "Vanderpump Rules" manages to get rowdier and more dramatic than the last.
On Monday's new hour of the Bravo series, we finally got to see the grand opening of TomTom. (Doesn't it feel like this thing has been opening for years?) We'll give it to Katie Maloney; she tried very hard to be a loving and supportive wife to "Lisa Vanderpump's business partner," but Tom Schwartz was too busy "schmoozing with the guests" to notice her efforts.
"Bubba! Honey! Tom! Schwartz! Tom Schwartz!" Katie shouted to get her hubby's attention. As Stassi Schroeder put it, "Schwartz is crazy about Katie, but he gets distracted by pretty, shiny things...like this bar...and Tom Sandoval."
"I know Tom has to work the room and schmooze and be one of the Toms, but I would really like to be hanging out with him, too, and sharing in all of this with him," Katie later said to the camera. The tension only grew from there.
On the other side of the room, Lisa decided to summon over Lala Kent to come explain all the stories she had been hearing about Lala going off on James Kennedy's girlfriend and Billie Lee at the front entrance of SUR last episode. It was gnarly, but Lala acted like she had no idea what Lisa was talking about.
When LVP asked Lala how "aggressive" her encounters were, Lala said they weren't. "I said my piece and then left it at that," she explained. "I think I handled myself quite nicely."
Lisa was unsatisfied with Lala's version of events, so she called Scheana Marie over to the table.
Scheana described the brunch as "eventful," while Lala shot her eye daggers.
"It wasn't in front of customers, I hope?" Lisa asked. Lala said it wasn't, but Scheana begged to differ. The eye daggers continued.
Later, the cast -- minus James -- hopped aboard a commercial airplane (Lala was not thrilled) to head to Mexico for a group vacay. Somehow, Schwartz and Scheana ended up getting upgraded to first class because the coach section got overbooked. It was pure coincidence.
When Katie boarded the flight and saw where Tom was sitting, her face dropped. "Trade me," she demanded.
"I usually would," Tom replied. "I love you, though!" Katie was not happy.
"I love flying with Tom because we have some cocktails together, we watch a movie together, maybe share the headphones, but we can't do any of that because he's decided to take a luxury vacation up in first class," she later vented to the camera. "At some point, I want it to cross his mind, like, 'Oh, yeah! My wife.'"
Tom later revealed Katie spent the entire flight "rage texting" him things like, "You only care about yourself," "Wow, wow, wow," "I'm not really sure if we've made as much progress as I thought," "I don't want to see you or talk to you the entire time we're there in Mexico," "This speaks to bigger problems" and "I'm gonna take off my wedding ring."
"That [text] bubble -- it just never stopped," he said.
When the gang got to Mexico, a shuttle took them to their gorgeous hotel in Puerto Vallarta. Sandoval made the mistake of referring to Tom and Katie's room as "Schwartz's room."
"Schwartz's room?!" Katie fired back.
"You're a Schwartz, too," Schwartz replied.
"No, I'm just Maloney," she said calmly. (That's when you know you have a problem.)
While everyone excitedly headed up to their rooms, Katie and Tom silently made their way to theirs. Once inside, Katie put her bag down and made her way to the hammock on their balcony. Schwartz followed.
He asked if she was going to be a "cranky," "wet blanket" the whole time, which she answered by saying she planned on sleeping in the hammock during their stay in Mexico.
Katie began to choke up as she explained to Tom that she simply missed him and missed seeing him and wanted him to pay attention to her. But now, he was pissed, too.
"You've put a damper on, what, 70 percent of the vacations we've been on?" he fired back. She replied, "You're wrong! You're wrong! You're wrong! You're wrong!"
"I've been so patient. I've been so understanding. I've not asked questions," she continued as Schwartz walked back into their room. "The last four months, I've barely seen you! Tom, this is not a mystery to you."
Tom maintained they've hung out plenty and that he's had to sacrifice a lot for the opening of the bar, aka their future.
"Just shut up! Stop talking and listen, Tom!" Katie shouted. "All I need you to do is just f--king listen to me sometimes!"
"The problem is I don't like the sound of your voice," Tom replied.
The screaming match continued and the petty insults kept flying. The episode ended with Katie calling Tom a "shitty husband" and Tom calling Katie a "shitty wife."
That drama will continue next week!
"Vanderpump Rules" airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
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