A camping trip leads to a few shocking reveals and fireworks between a few of the women.
Lisa Vanderpump did not appear in tonight's episode of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," but she was still very much a topic of conversation. Oh yeah, and so were strap-ons, happy endings and hookers.
Before they all left, Denise predicted the future in a confessional. "I don't think Camille is going to be able to shut her pie hole," she rightly guessed, adding, "is this going to be another trip where everything goes sideways or are we going to have a good time?"
Thankfully, there was still a good time to be had before Camille and Teddi started going at it though. We'll get to that battle in a minute.
First, viewers watched the women go on a $700 shopping spree for their overnight, picking up Fireball liquor, Wheat Thins and, for Erika, even Cheese Whiz.
When they arrived at their campground, they realized they wouldn't really be roughing it at all -- as their "tents" were the size of cabins, with hardwood floods and full sized beds. Only in Beverly Hills!
After some beer pong and hijinks at the grill, Dorit brought up her falling out with LVP, prompting quite the response from Erika. "I care about the women at this table," she responded. "You want to be an asshole, be a f--king asshole."
"As far as I'm concerned, I care about the women in this group, the women that show up," she added. "I want to be friends with people that are easy to get along with, that don't keep score, that don't move chess pieces around on a board, that don't try to make themselves look great and you look shitty."
With that out of the way, the women then started sharing a series of surprising stories about their sex lives. First, Camille said she and an ex -- whose name she did not reveal -- did some "kinky sexy play" with strap-ons.
Then the topic of happy endings somehow came up, as Denise revealed she went out of her way to make her husband Aaron get one. "He's the only guy I had ever been with that had never had one," she cooly explained to the shocked peanut gallery, "I was like, you have to try it."
All the other women said they would never let their men get one, let alone seek one out for them. "Aaron might be a little upset that I revealed this information," Denise later admitted in a confessional. "I might get in a little trouble when I get home."
She then revealed she had had one before too, with a woman. Again, everyone was shocked. That prompted Erika to shout, "Why is everyone acting like such a f--king nun?" before she randomly added, "I don't know any man in my life that hasn't f--ked hookers. I've never heard that come out of Tom's mouth but I know he was a young man."
The sex talk continued, as Camille then talked about a lover in New York whose prostate she massaged "through his bum hole." Cue Kyle's disgusted face.
This episode was a lot.
Just as it seemed like there wouldn't be any fighting on this kumbaya-filled excursion, PK's rude comment to Kyle was brought up. Although he had since apologized via text message and Kyle and Dorit seemed to have put it to bed, Camille called out Teddi for inserting herself into the drama.
"Sometimes, Teddi, I think you insinuate yourself," Grammer told her, before backhandedly complimenting Mellencamp by saying she's "insightful" for her age. "I hate when people talk down to me," Teddi responded.
Camille then copped to telling Denise in private that she thinks Teddi is a "know it all," prompting Mellencamp to accuse her of being two-faced.
"Why wouldn't you say that to me in the moment when we're all sitting there?" asked Teddi. "What I've noticed about you is you like to talk out of the side of your mouth but the second you're with somebody to their face you back down and you have a whole new story to tell."
Thankfully, the women all realized their real issues aren't with each other but with Lisa Vanderpump, before Denise brought much-needed levity back by asking, "Do we need to talk about happy f--king endings again?"
Yes, yes we do.
"Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" airs Tuesdays on Bravo.