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"I don't know that Ariana will ever understand how hard this was on me personally," said the 'Vanderpump Rules' star, who also explained why she hung out at Tom Sandoval's hotel room at BravoCon.
Vanderpump Rules fans have witnessed how Scandoval turned Ariana Madix, Tom Sandoval, and Rachel Leviss' lives upside down, but Scheana Shay says many people -- including Ariana -- don't understand how it severely impacted her own life as well.
While appearing on Pump Rules producer Alex Baskin's Bravo's Hot Mic podcast, the reality star broke down in tears as she opened up about battling an "inner struggle" over supporting her close friend, Ariana, or her former longtime pal, Sandoval.
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View Story"It is an ensemble cast. It's not just Tom and Ariana, but I feel like this season that we just filmed, it was trying to figure that out," Scheana, 38, said of the upcoming Season 11, which will see the cast dealing with the fallout of the scandal, as well as other drama. "For me personally, it was trying to see, 'Do I just stay Team Arana and say F Tom forever? Do I try [to] work towards a path of forgiveness for me, personally? Do I try to be his friend again? Is that me being disloyal to her?'"
"It was this whole inner struggle all season long where I'm like, 'I had things that I need to work through so I can sleep at night.' So I can be a present mother," added the Bravo star, who shares daughter Summer with husband Brock Davies. "And it was so hard."
Scheana then got emotional, choking back tears as she continued.
"I don't know that Ariana will ever understand how hard this was on me personally," she explained, "because, yes, it didn't happen to me, I wasn't cheated on. But there was a lot he did do personally to me. And I'm someone who always tries to work towards a path of forgiveness because that's just who I am. And so it has been such a struggle to try and stay loyal while working on putting myself first."
The "Good As Gold" singer said she believes that "outside of Ariana," she was "the person next mostly directly by all of this."
"But I'm not allowed to feel anything because it's not about me, because it's only about her," Scheana continued. "So me struggling with how can I tell my story while still keeping it about her because it's not about me, but it kinda is about me. And just that whole struggle where I put everyone else first, and I feel like this is the first season where I'm like, 'I have to do what's best for me first, and hopefully everyone understands. I'm still figuring out what that is."
She went on to share more about how the scandal affected her, noting that she "lost weight," fought "rumors about her husband," and "was in court," with the latter seemingly a reference to the TRO Rachel had against her.
"I mean, it really did a number on me that I don't think a lot of people realize," Scheana said through tears.
Meanwhile, also, during her appearance on the Hot Mic podcast, Scheana revealed why she seemingly hung out at Sandoval's hotel room during BravoCon 2023 last month.
According to Scheana, she was having a discussion with Below Deck Down Under star Captain Jason Chambers about his charity, before the group moved elsewhere.
"The bar closed, the lights went on," she recalled. "As we're all walking down the hall, that's where everyone else continued to go. We're like, 'Well, we're having a great conversation, let's just go.'"
"We sat on the couch, as you see in the story Sandoval posted," Scheana continued. "I'm literally sitting in the corner talking to Captain Jason."
After her conversation with Captain Jason ended, she said she then confronted Sandoval regarding what he was saying about Ariana during the convention, and came to her pal's defense.
"After that, I pulled Sandoval aside," Scheana explained. "I told him I did not like the things that I heard he said about Ariana that day on the carpet. I said, 'I don't care if you're saying she did this, you deserved what happened to you. I don't like that you're continuing to bring things up. You keep picking a scab. I need you to let her heal. Stop talking about her.'"
"Talk about your band. Talk about Special Forces. Talk about anything else in your life, but let her be," she added. "I literally put him in his place and Captain Jason can attest to that. He was there for part of the conversation where I'm yelling at Sandoval in his room."
Season 11 of Vanderpump Rules premieres Tuesday, January 30 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo, streaming the next day on Peacock.
