'Dancing with the Stars' Finale 5th Judge: Did Bobby Bones, Evanna Lynch, Milo Manheim or Alexis Ren Win?

It was a great night in the ballroom on "Dancing with the Stars," filled with memorable performances and a tear-soaked winner's reveal.

In all honesty, this should be a competition between two couples: Milo Manheim & Witney Carson and Evanna Lynch & Keo Motsepe. Either one would be a deserving champion for the season as both have shown consistent greatness in recent weeks -- and have the perfect scores to prove it.

We'd give the edge to Evanna just for the journey she's been on and growth, but Milo has been the more consistent performer throughout. Can you imagine what this finale would have been like with Juan Pablo Di Pace & Cheryl Burke still in the competition? At least they came back to give us a teaser.

All of this is no knock on Alexis Ren & Alan Bersten, who also turned in some stellar performances, but Alexis never seemed to be able to be quite as clean or confident as Evanna and Milo wound up. We'd argue she started out stronger than them, but didn't progress as much.

As for Bobby Bones & Sharna Burgess, well he's a lot of fun to watch, but if this is supposed to be about the star who came out here and danced the best, he's not in the running. But he'll always be the People's Champion. Could he win? Considering how his season has gone so far, we'd have to argue anything is possible. Should he win? No.

Who do I think I am? you ask. Well, I spent nearly a decade of my life sweating and bleeding to the music as a dancer. From a young boy learning a shuffle-ball-change to performing with the St. Louis Ballet Company, I experienced the ups and downs of one of the most difficult physically demanding sports on the planet. During this time, I was also a member of the St. Louis Symphony Youth Orchestra, as well as a gymnast, writer and cartoonist. I had a lot more energy in my younger years. And I've spent the last sixteen years analyzing and critiquing reality competition shows for various media publications. I've got this.

Fair warning, since I'm safe at home, I'm probably going to be a little harsher than my colleagues Carrie-Ann Inaba, Len Goodman, and Bruno Tonioli. But I might be nicer, too. Maybe.

But first, some distractions to pad out this two hour show.

Sharna Burgess and Artem Chigvintsev showed all these stars how it's done dancing accompaniment to the group's "Speechless" track. Honestly, we expected more footage of the dancers than we got, with them disappearing for a solid minute or so in the middle. When they were in there, it did look like Artem was showboating a bit even beyond the elegance of the dance. Sharna was perfection, but he was putting an exaggerated amount of flair that wasn't necessary throughout much of that.

When "Grocery Store Joe" and Jenna danced to "I'm Too Sexy" in trio week, it was a cheese-tastic mess, so we're actually kind of glad they brought it back and cheesed it up with even more stars from "Bachelor Nation" (with an assist from Val). Once again, it was totally ridiculous, but now that we're not scoring it, we can just sit back and enjoy it for what it is. Joe is not a dancer, but he was clearly at least cutting loose enough that we think he was having fun.

We're so glad producers put the season's highest-scoring couple into the finale as guest performers, because they so deserved to be here as contestants. And then Juan Pablo had to add singing to his repertoire of amazing talents before he came out and again wowed us with their tango from last week. It was just as powerful this time and we were surprised at how emotional we got watching them perform this magic and knowing they had to settle for a fifth place tie. It's just madness.

Another strong performer eliminated way too soon, Tinashe returned to the finale as a musical guest with a sultry performance of "Fever." She incorporated some choreography into this performance and we're not sure if it was that or just how low this song starts, but it was rough going in the beginning and only elevated itself to meh by the end. We know Tinashe is a stronger singer than this, so it's disappointing she wasn't able to represent better.

The idea here was to take a piece from earlier in the season and remix it to amp up the complexity, the performance, the everything. Take something old and make it fresh and exciting and hopefully much, much better than it was the first time around.

With Alexis having grown so much throughout the season, the ballet portion of this tango mashup redux actually stood out as the weaker portion of the piece. Her timing was off at the start, but she quickly settled into the piece and gave us some lovely lines, great footwork and really captured the zest, attack and energy of the style. She started off a little hesitant at points, and with her points, ,but it only grew strong as it went along resulting in a strong start from the surprise underdogs (the audience seems to hate this couple).

Judges Scores: 9, 9, 9

My Score: 9

Bobby chose to redo his MC Hammer cha cha and he totally nailed the Hammer portions of this dance much better than he did the first time around. The cha cha was still a little sketchy at parts, but it was also recognizable. Bobby is still nowhere near the rest of the competition but at least he is showing signs of improvement. He lacked in timing and finesse throughout, with a stiff and awkward delivery of the movements, but still. He kind of nailed the hip-hop portions.

Judges Scores: 8, 8, 8

My Score: 7

Evanna's attack wasn't quite as strong this time around on the tango, but her hold is magnificent. I would have liked to see some more lift work, but can't fault really much of anything she gave us. When she was leading the troupe, that was done with more confidence than last time and her partnering with Keo was simply phenomenal. Truly, Evanna has blossomed into a powerful and commanding woman on that stage.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

We didn't get to see quite as much of this as the judges, thanks to Robin Thicke's involvement, but what we did get was full of a lot of Charleston energy and content (swivel and pivot). Milo's arms looked a little floppy during one sequence, but for the most part he owned his length and height perfectly, and while his partnering was a little wobbly at places -- or seemed to lack the confidence and control he usually possesses -- that could be down to nerves.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 9

This is always an exciting around as it allows both the pros and the stars to express themselves through dance in whatever way it moves them. We get some of our most memorable pieces each season in this final round and key last impression before the final results are revealed.

What an empowering piece Alan gave her for this final performance. Alexis was simply radiant throughout, and she looked so joyful as she took command when they finally hit their marks on the main stage. It was beautifully visualized and complemented Avril Lavigne's live performance of "Head Above Water" beautifully. Working in a massive prop like a mountain was a huge risk, but it really paid off in a spectacular piece.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

This piece had virtually no dance content but was all about showmanship and the fun that Bobby has had on this journey. We kind of love that he and Sharna just threw it all out the window and said screw it. We're going to have fun and put on a spectacle. Viewers clearly don't care that Bobby isn't a proficient dancer so why should they? Just let it be. That said, he was still stiff and off the music a lot throughout what little he was given to do, but clearly he was having fun.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 8

In a season of strengths, that was the most stunning, powerful and effective Milo has ever been as a dancer. Witney packed this routine with a ton of lifts, challenging umbrella work and he even worked in a little hip-hop. Let's face it, this kid is a natural. If ever a dance deserved an 11 out of 10, it would be this one. It was quite simply breathtaking.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

From all those little movements at the top of this number, Evanna was in a class nearly all her own. Her musicality on Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet" was truly remarkable on a song that shifts radically from slow and gentle to bombastic in a single beat. The waltz content was on point, the jazz elements were exciting. Most importantly, though, Evanna was the star of this piece from start to finish and she commanded that stage. It's looking like a two-way horse race for the Mirrorball and it could go either way and we'd be happy.

Judges Scores: 10, 10, 10

My Score: 10

And then the ridiculous happened. Bobby must have the largest fanbase on the planet because Bobby & Sharna defied all the odds and just gave us the most bonkers final results in any season of "Dancing with the Stars."

Clearly it doesn't matter if you can dance. This is only a popularity contest. Man, considering his judges' scores week in and week out, he must have simply dominated the voting by massive margins to overcome such a deficit and beat everyone!

We're ... speechless. We can only imagine the judges' scores will be much harsher next season to try and avoid something like this happening again.

And honestly, if you're a professional dancer, what do you do? They fight for that trophy, too, and do so by trying to make great dancers out of their celebrity partners. Should they just throw that strategy out the window and go for sheer entertainment?

Neil Patrick Harris, who was pushing hard for Witney and Milo to win on social media, was clearly ticked off with the results -- slamming the show after the winner was revealed. Looks like he won't be tuning in next season.

"Dancing With the Stars" is over for now, but there's still plenty more dance to come on companion show, "Dancing With the Stars: Juniors," Sundays at 8 p.m .ET on ABC.

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