In Monday night's season finale, the reality TV star appeared to quit the show -- at least temporarily -- for her own well being, after opening up about postpartum depression and suicidal thoughts during the episode.
When the episode began, Portwood revealed she had been receiving a lot of negative comments online since the season started airing on MTV. "It's bringing me down while I'm going through my depression," she explained, as comments calling her "fat," "ugly" and "boring" all flashed on the screen.
She then confided in a friend that she had recently considered suicide.
"There was a night that I was waiting for [Andrew Glennon] and James to go to bed so I could kill myself," she said. "And for some odd reason he could feel it and he was like, 'I'm not going to bed.'"
"It doesn't feel good to go and do things, it doesn't feel good to be alive right now," she said. "I just don't want to be like that for the rest of my life." Portwood then revealed she had reached out to Catelynn Lowell as well, as she had just gotten treatment for her own mental health.
Speaking to husband Tyler Baltierra, Lowell decided she would go visit Amber, thinking that "it probably would have been nice" for her if one of her friends had come to check in on her while she was in treatment too.
During her visit, Portwood laid it all out there for Lowell. "When I got that voicemail from you, it really hit my heart. I'm at my end. I'm literally, I feel like I'm at my lowest right now," she said, adding, "I'm not, I have no will. I'm not living for myself at the moment."
"Just those words scare me," said Catelynn, who then tried talking Amber into entering treatment herself.
Venting about some of the social media backlash, Portwood then said "the person that I am today is not being noticed as much as it should be," before slamming her portrayal on the show.
"It's MTV, this show has ruined my name. This show has not shown who I am as a person. They don't show the funny side of me, they show a bad mom, they show all that shit," she said. "They show the struggle, they show me crying, they show me postpartum. It's like, okay, because that's what's going on in my life, so I guess it's true. I'm f--king over it."
That was the last time we saw Portwood on the finale.
"I think I should separate myself from this show," she told them over speaker. "I just don't feel like this is right for my life anymore. I think you guys want a certain kind of story that I just don't want to give you anymore. I feel like it's very depressing to be on the show anymore."
When Larry said he felt like there were "so many positive ways" to go with her story, after she welcomed son James, Portwood said she initially felt that way too. "There are certain things you guys want," she added, "and I'm not that person anymore."
Musnik tried to get her to meet with them in person and she just unloaded. "I don't care, how about that, how about that, I don't f--king care," she yelled at him. "This is my life that you guys plaster all over f--king television that I signed up for, so I'm not going to film right now."
"I need time to f--king think," she added. "If you guys need to do what you need to do on your end, f--king do it, I'm done."
Portwood did reportedly attend the reunion taping, so we'll have to stay tuned to see whether she changed her mind about appearing on the show going forward.