"I didn't make a career out of being a Housewife. 'Housewives' has documented my life," Vanderpump says.
During Tuesday night's "RHOBH After Show," the series OG explained she was over being ganged up on by women she once considered friends and that she didn't need the Bravo series to be able to run her businesses and continue doing good for the community. This "After Show" was taped before Lisa announced she would not return for Season 10, but by the sounds of the interview, it seems like she made up her mind long ago.
"Did I tell them all to go f--k themselves yet, or not? Or did we leave that bit out?" Lisa jokingly said to the "After Show" producer who was seated behind the camera.
"Uh, did you tell them all to go f--k themselves?" the producer asked cautiously.
Laughing, Lisa replied, "Okay, I'm joking, but carry on."
"To have five against one is just not a good place to be," she said. "I just think it's something I would never encourage or ever condone. I don't like to see it in my businesses when it's all against one. I certainly have never ever supported my children if they were ever guilty of that choice. So for me, I just would never be part of that."
Then, Lisa gave a cryptic goodbye to her co-stars and the show -- at least that's what it sounded like.
"I've always said I'm not just a Housewife. I didn't make a career out of being a Housewife. 'Housewives' has documented my life," she said. "I don't have time for bullshit negative minutiae. I don't."
"I will continue to run my businesses: five restaurants, the dog center, dog center in China, my political activity fighting for many things [including] LGBTQ, humane treatment for dogs, working with Trevor Project, the suicide prevention, Vegas. There's only one of me. My Housewives will probably say, 'Thank God.'"
Lisa's once-bestie Kyle Richards also said during the "After Show" that if Lisa were to "all of a sudden show up," she and the cast would at first be "taken aback" but would ultimately welcome her friendship.
"Everybody wants to move forward so much that we'll work through this!" she said. "I think it'd be actually better if [she] were here and joined us and worked through it together instead of via Twitter and stories and this sort of backdoor situation happening."
PuppyGate participant Teddi Mellencamp, who was sitting beside Kyle, was silent.
Who wasn't silent was Brandi Glanville, who made her big return to the show on last night's episode. After filling in "kindred spirit" Denise Richards on her experience with Lisa "turning" on her, she told her Kim Richards called her a "bitch" after Denise got involved with her BunnyGate issues with Lisa Rinna.
"The bunny is the stupidest f--king thing I've ever seen in my life," Brandi said during Tuesday's "After Show." "And by the way, if that baby got near that cellophane, it would f--king [suffocate]. You know what I mean? That's not a proper present, No. 1. And it was hideous, No. 2. That's your present?"
Brandi also explained how she and Denise got to be such good friends. She said that while she was filming "Celebrity Big Brother," Denise went to her agency and linked up with her agent.
"My agent told me, he's like, 'Yeah, I have Denise Richards! That's so exciting, right?'" Brandi explained. "I go, 'So basically, you hired my competition? That's amazing.'"
But Brandi said the two "hit it" off instantly. Aside from having in common two very public divorces, they also have kids around the same ages who attend the same school. They're also both "really hard to offend" and like to party hard. While Denise enjoys her "tequila time," Brandi indulges in "wine all day." According to Brandi, they're "kindred spirits," and we can see why.
On Tuesday's episode of "RHOBH," Denise invited Brandi to the big France trip Kyle had been planning. When the "After Show" producer asked Brandi why she didn't accept, she chuckled and said, "F--k you."
But in all seriousness, she said she didn't want to relive the dramatic cast trip to Amsterdam, where she slapped Lisa Vanderpump in the face and got uninvited from the last dinner.
"Except for I f--ked a really hot guy, and they were all jealous," Brandi added. "But it's not fun to go on a trip with people who don't like you. I didn't know if Vanderpump was going, and I still had like a -- I don't have issues with Kyle, I really like her -- but I was trying to protect my friend who was having troubles, Kim Richards."
During her time on "RHOBH," Brandi went from loathing Kim to becoming her best friend (still is), which at the time caused major issues for Kim and Kyle's relationship. The three have since made amends and manage to coexist. In fact, Brandi and Kyle now follow each other on Instagram. (If you know their history, you know this is a big deal.)
"That was the biggest thing I probably shouldn't have done because I got between two sisters," Brandi said Tuesday. "I was just trying to protect her! We've resolved [our issues] as of now, but at that point, we hadn't. And listen, I didn't wanna go with Lisa Vanderpump."
The producer then turned the conversation on its head and asked, "You already have a French boyfriend, right?"
"Yeah, ummm, so I would not say that he is a boyfriend because I don't like that word, No. 1. No. 2, I don't want him to think I like him that much," Brandi replied reluctantly. "And No. 3, he's 10 years younger than me, and he's a waiter, so it's just not the best fit right now. But he does have a huge penis, and he's really good in bed. And half the time, I don't understand what he's saying, so we get along perfectly."
"He's like, 'Oh, I like you 'cause you're so spicy!' And I tell him to be quiet all the time. He doesn't care!" she added. "He walks my dogs. He's amazing."
"That's a boy toy," the producer said.
"He's 35," Brandi replied. "He's a man toy."
"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at firstname.lastname@example.org.