Drew Barrymore Thought Herself a 'Failure' And 'Broken Person' -- Why She's Now 'Glad' for Wild Youth

The lifelong star has lived more in her 48 years than many do in lifetimes twice as long, but it's those lived-in experiences that have allowed her to really connect with her guests and audience.

From her first stint in rehab at just 13 years old, following her breakout success at just seven in E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial), Barrymore's younger years were punctuated with various shocking and heartbreaking moments.

Now, though, Drew is able to look back on a life fully lived with appreciation, and even some joy. It may not have been easy to live through all of those chapters, but she's not at all unhappy that she did.

"I love my crazy youth. Part of why I'm single now is because I had so much fun. Part of why I don't miss drinking is because I did," she told Us Weekly. "I'm glad I had a nudist, exhibitionist, wildflower, wild-child, little wood nymph time."

"I'm glad I partied. I'm glad I was wild with boys. I'm glad I was wild in every way, shape and form because it led to my contentedness with a quiet life now," she added. "And it was fun. I'm not apologetic. I'm not mad at myself about it."

It's taken some time to get to this place of self-acceptance, though, and it's not easy. "I'm only figuring out in the last five years how insanely unforgiving I've been to myself in my life," said the actress.

She also learned through experience how to at the very least avoid unhealthy connections and relationships. "I no longer have toxic relationships with men," explained the talk show host, emphasizing that with her kids and friends and work, she "can't imagine bringing someone in who would pee all over that."

For now, though, she's content not even looking. "I think we seek love, we need love. It is the reason to live," Drew conceded. "But I have it. It's just in a different form."

That form comes with her children and being the kind of mother and bringing to them experiences she never got to enjoy in her own life.

"Being in a minivan with eight girls singing songs and driving to the movie theater or some corn maze, I'm like, 'This is the greatest thing I've ever experienced,'" she said. "I didn't experience that kind of life when I was young. And it feels like such a privilege to witness it and be a part of it and be cultivating it."

By 15 years old, Drew had emancipated herself from her parents. She told the outlet, "In most ways, I had to parent myself. So when I'm worried about my kids, I don't have fault with my parents, I have fault with myself."

But she's learned to give herself some grace, even though that's very hard as a parent because you so desperately want to get it right. For Drew, though, she had "no blueprint" and "a crazy track record." Nevertheless, she's come to learn, "it isn't a matter of right and wrong. It's a matter of doing your best."

When it comes to her talk show, and her interactions in life, Drew prefers to keep it real, about them and herself. That's why there has been so much response to her getting really deep with some of her guests, crying with them, and really opening up.

Part of that manifests in little ways, like her conscious decision to keep little mistakes in the show. "If I make a mistake, I'd rather keep it in," Drew said. "I don't want to posture. I'd like to grow and learn in real time and not fake that I know what I'm doing. I'm a student. I don't want to pretend to be a teacher."

In bigger ways, it means that she's not going to be content with idle chit-chat, or empty banter or banal plugging of a new project. "I want to go really deep, really fast," Drew explained.

She compared it to being at a soccer game and having another mom ask her, "How are you doing?" While most people might respond with a simple (and meaningless) "fine," Drew doesn't hold back ... and doesn't think you should.

Instead, she might respond, "I'm s--t. I have had a day where I can't seem to get out of my own way. I am under-slept. I'm f--king everything up today. How are you?"

"I would rather give the truth than just passively not admitting something," she explained. "Saying you're fine if you're not -- 'fine' can be code for, 'I'm not going to burden you.' I value just diving in."

It's something she's learned in part by taking those deep dives within herself. That's how she was able to finally stop drinking, something she said she'd been doing since she was nine years old. It wasn't until 2020 that she was ready to kick the habit.

"When I stopped, everything didn't fall into place," said Drew. "I then had to really go to work and start figuring out how to build myself up and get in touch with why I was drinking like that." What she came to realize was that it was her "coping mechanism."

"I loved the way that alcohol emboldened me. The anxiety went away. It makes you feel like an immortal that can handle anything," she explained. "And then the next day you are living in that chemical aftermath and you feel worse."

For 35 years, she recognized the pattern and knew that one day she would have to do something about it. And then one day, for reasons she perhaps still doesn't fully know, it just happened. In fact, she's so confident in her sobriety now, she has alcohol "all over my house" and is comfortable serving people without imbibing herself.

There's taking the time to do the mental work to get into a better place, and then there's just allowing enough time to pass. For Drew, it's been a combination of both of those things that has allowed her to reach a healthier place in her life -- at least mentally.

She joked that when it comes to physical health, and even talk about sobriety, she doesn't feel nearly as confident as she does in the mental sphere. That's where she's had the most success, even while acknowledging the struggle.

Throughout her life and career, Drew's story has been one of ups and downs -- and that's both personally and professionally. Interestingly, she quickly came to terms with it professionally. She said her professional side learned quickly to be humble and take nothing for granted. She always believed she could get that on track (or back on track).

Personally, though, it was a very different story and she was much harder on herself. "in my personal life, I was a failure and a broken person," Drew said. "I can't f--king believe I'm alive sometimes."

Finally, though, she feels like those two sides of who she is are working in tandem toward the positive. "Time is the greatest asset we have -- it allows things to get better, to shift, to have light come into a dark space," she noted. "It has taken my whole life to get here, but I'm so happy to be out of the jail in my mind."

She also touts the importance of learning to open up, be vulnerable, and put it out there. "Don't sweep it under the rug, talk about it. You'll be cheered on, you'll be supported," she urged. "If you only work through things with yourself and don't communicate, how's that ever going to function?"

"We all can go to the place where we question ourselves and not in the kindest of ways," said Drew ."So that is the big focus in my personal life. I'm going to fix it. I'm not going to stay stuck."