Rachel Leviss Explains How Ariana Madix Factored Into Vanderpump Rules Exit Decision

Leviss was, of course, famously entangled with her best friend Ariana Madix's long-time boyfriend Tom Sandoval -- as in they were cheating on Ariana in her house. When Ariana found out, all hell broke loose ... and for some reason all of America was super invested.

While the rest of the cast is poised to return for the new season of their long-running reality show next month, Leviss is promising to tell her side of the story in her new iHeartPodcast Rachel Goes Rogue, which premieres in full on January 8.

In a sneak peek of the podcast, the former reality star (and former Raquel) says thinking of her former BFF Madix played into her decision to say goodbye to the show and those relationships. Leviss said she's not heard from anyone on the cast since that decision, save Sandoval himself.

As everyone in America who was paying attention knows, Sandoval posted a public birthday message to her Instagram via a comment, which Leviss did not seem too happy about. She'd blocked him immediately after treatment, but she still thinks he should have DM'd instead of being so public.

"I've been thinking about that a lot, and I think, for him, because I'm just trying to put myself in his shoes, was he doing this to be spiteful, or was he doing this to be like, 'I want the best for you,'"Leviss mused. "It seems like it could go either way."

As for coming back to face him or anyone else on the cast, it was the idea of subjecting Madix to her Season 10 experience that sealed the deal for Leviss.

See, Leviss had broken off an engagement with fellow cast-member James Kennedy and he then spent Season 10 getting cozy with his new girlfriend Ally Lewber. Leviss realized that were she to stay and possibly even continue her relationship with Sandoval, she'd be putting Madix through the same thing she just endured.

"Looking back at that season, I was at my lowest of lows," said Leviss of Season 10. She called returning after her breakup "a mistake," saying instead she should have "taken the time to heal and find a therapist."

That's exactly what she did after the Scandoval. The rest of the cast had almost no time from the taping of the reunion before Season 11 started filming. But while they were getting back to work, Leviss had checked into a facility to focus on her mental health.

Speaking about working on Season 10 with Kennedy and Lewber, whom she noted he met three weeks after she called off their engagement, Leviss said it hurt.

"There were so many questions running through my mind like: Did he ever really love me? How is it possible to love someone and then get over them so quickly?" she asked rhetorically, saying the stress of it all led to her drinking more that season.

"This is not an excuse," she said. "I'm just, point blank, I was not in a good mental space. In knowing that, I'm learning from my mistakes."

She said that it's hard to go back and see herself during that season, describing "a girl that is going through pain and doesn't have the right tools to tackle it, and she's coping in the way that she feels like her needs are being met by someone that's giving her adoration and attention."

She said she failed to prioritize friendships while she and Sandoval were involved, which she says she "regrets a lot." She also alluded to the idea that had she skipped her mental health treatment and just returned to the show as she was then, she'd have possibly stayed tied to Sandoval.

"Looking back and seeing how much pain I was in interacting with James on camera and seeing his new girlfriend," Leviss said of Season 10, "I could only imagine the pain I would cause by filming [Season 11] in the same environment with Ariana."

She called her affair with Sandoval "a huge betrayal," and said she couldn't imagine continuing to have to work with someone who'd done that and then see them interacting with the person you thought was your person ... "it would just be so catastrophic."

"I didn't want to do that to Ariana," said Leviss. "I didn't want to put her in that position."

Further, she has a whole different understanding of her relationship with Sandoval since she did take that time to step away and seek treatment. Now, she has "a lot of clarity" about the whole situation.

"The story I would tell myself about our relationship that we had, it seemed so special and it seemed so real, but when you look at the cold, hard facts and write them down on a piece of paper and see all of those red flags clear as day, that will break you out of your denial," she said.

"Once I was broken out of denial and realized how manipulative he is," she added, "I couldn't put myself in a situation where, at my most vulnerable state, it would probably get me back to those old patterns that I'm trying to break free from."

Season 11 of Vanderpump Rules premieres January 30 at 8pm ET on Bravo. Rachel Goes Rogue drops January 8 on the iHeartPodcast network or wherever you get your podcasts. You can catch that sneak peek below.